Armed and Unwilling

[Lali]

OOC Welcome to the first Sandpit RP. In here you can practice your RP skills (to work on general posts as well as introductions) even though you've not yet been fully accepted. ^_^ This RP is now officially open to our learners, and I beg you not to be scared off by my commentary around the actual post (which is in yellow, just to separate it more clearly from all my waffle).

Any of the accepted members will be able to join in if they want, or just keep an eye on your posts. I for one will be less picky here than in your application. By which I mean I'll offer you some tips and advice, and comment on your posts if I feel it necessary, but I won't go through and dissect them sentence by sentence like I do in the apps. I'll only ask you to edit things that are below a relaxed RP standard. Don't worry!

Alright. The first thing you should notice about this post is the OOC and IC notation. OOC being Out Of Character (ie, me as a player speaking to you, rather than writing for the RP) and IC being In Character (ie, RP sections). People use different formatting for this. Generally I favour the simple approach (without the colour I've used here), but you can also use double parentheses, for example, or indeed anything you like as long as the separation is clear.

Here follows my introduction. It's about 600 words long, which is reasonable for a thread-starter, although on this site they seem to be anywhere from around 400 words up to 2700 (TAVOT, in case you were wondering. I got carried away). Most responding character introductions, the replies from those who aren't the RP's creator, seem to go from as little as 150 words upwards.

Anyway, I'll shut up for the moment and post.



IC Laligin hated walking. She hated it with a passion. It hurt her bare feet and made her back and legs ache, and the opposing wind was chilling her to her bones. She was unused to walking – as a human, anyway – which might explain some of her discomfort, but that wasn’t much consolation. Especially since she knew she couldn’t shift until night time.

At that thought she moved one hand to the dagger sheath riding on her left hip. She’d had the hilt wrapped with black leather, hiding its distinctive engraving and decoration, and she’d deliberately dirtied the blade to cover the design etched into the steel. The sheath was the plainest she’d been able to find, but she had the feeling that that wouldn’t help much. The only way she’d be safe was if she could pass the dagger on. Otherwise they would never stop hunting her.

Green eyes constantly darting around, searching for danger on the road ahead or the woods around, she caught herself tightening her grip on the five-foot ash staff she carried, ready to fight. She had to force herself to relax a little, though she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being watched. She shook her head at her own foolishness, and ran a hand through her short brown hair, telling herself that she had no reason to be afraid. She could deal with any problems by shapeshifting if necessary, even though that would mean she’d have to kill anyone who saw her, in order to keep her powers secret. The only problem would be the knife.

The first thing she’d tried was shifting while holding it, but, unlike her staff, it hadn’t stayed with her human form. She wasn’t sure why – perhaps because she didn’t regard it as part of her, or perhaps her suspicion that it was somehow enchanted was correct – but it had been a most inconvenient thing to find out just after a group of strangers had started chasing her and trying to kill her for the blade.

It hadn’t been her fault at all. She’d been minding her own business for weeks beforehand, simply travelling and exploring, trying to find out more about the shapeshifters that had once existed, though she was now certain that she was the last, but she’d begun to get the feeling she was being followed a couple of days before everything went wrong. Perhaps she’d been slightly incautious about shifting, but there had been no mobs coming after her, seeking her destruction, so she’d thought nothing was wrong. And then one night a complete stranger had come running out of nowhere from one of the side streets in a city, shoved the knife into her hands, gasped, “Find Aleira, katyana!” and run on. She’d run after him, of course, only to see him turn down another side street, and to watch in startled horror as five men stepped out of the shadows and killed him before he had time to scream. They’d searched his body rapidly, then spread out from the alley to find the knife.

She’d barely escaped. When she tried to become a bird and fly away, the knife clattered to the paved ground, alerting the searchers to her presence, and she’d only just had time enough to shift to a wolf, snatch the dagger up in her jaws, and bolt before the murderers could catch her.

So now she was trying to find this “Aleira”, with nothing except a name to go on, and wondering how on earth the man had known that “katyana” was the title bestowed upon a shapeshifter by the animals whose forms she took. Her life had gone rapidly downhill since that night in the city two weeks before.

And worse, she had to walk. Gods, she hated walking.



OOC Okay. Now I'll go over that for you and tell you what's good about it. (Oh, the modesty! ^_^)

First, let's see the information that is presented in that post:
Laligin is walking.
She is barefoot.
It is windy.
It is daytime.
She has a dagger.
The dagger is described (plain sheath, black leather around an ornate hilt, dirt over an etched blade).
People are hunting her for the dagger.
She has green eyes.
She is walking along a road.
There are woods either side of the road.
Her weapon is a five-foot long quarterstaff.
She has short brown hair.
She is a shapeshifter.
Her powers are a secret.
Her clothes and weapons vanish with her human form when she shapeshifts.
The knife remains present when she shapeshifts.
The knife may be enchanted.
The people hunting her are willing to kill her.
She has been travelling.
There used to be more shapeshifters.
She is the only shapeshifter left now.
She was given the knife by a stranger.
She is trying to find "Aleira".
The stranger was killed for the knife.
She can become any sort of animal very quickly.
The stranger knew more about shapeshifters than she had thought anyone else in the world did.
She has had the knife for two weeks.

There now. Did you realise there was that much information in there? And on top of that you can get a sense of Laligin's mood from the first and last sentences - she hates walking. And she's being forced to, so she's not going to be a happy bunny at the moment!

All that information was presented in sneaky, interesting ways. I told a story to get a lot of the background and the plot across, I got some brief physical description in through actions, and I varied everything reasonably so that it didn't get repetitive and boring. (Although I did have "the feeling" in there three times. But you didn't spot that, did you? )

The main points to remember are that I gave you the important information in an interesting way. (I hope it was interesting, anyway...) You now know the setting, the plot, and a few details of what Laligin looks like at first glance - as she would appear to any character approaching her. You can also work out that it's Medieval Fantasy, even without me telling you, because of her name, the mentions of magic and enchantment (shapeshifting, for example) and the weapons people use.

That's about all you need to be able to introduce your character(s) into the RP.

I'll leave it there, having waffled on for quite a while. When I come online tomorrow I'll reread this and wonder why I took so long to say all that.

[Bree]

{O.O.C. I am sorry if I respond to this wrong. I am trying to get use to this, so cheers! }

Bree noticed a shifty character walking barefoot on the road. The person was very jumpy, almost nervous like.What was even more weird about the person, is that the person was walking like they had a pole up her butt and their staff was made out of ash.

Ash? People don't usually make staffs out of ash. That is weird. Bree thought.

Why would people want to hunt her? She thought. She looked innocent, almost angel like.

She got of out the little niche between the trees and the shrub on the ground and placed her laen sword between her shoulder blades and pulled plant seeds out her pocket. As she walked she placed seeds between her fingers so she was ready in case somebody was going to run.

Her powers were tricky at times because it always depended on what plants she was using and how much power she had at the time. Also how much power she trusted to put into the plant. She didn't like it when things surprised her, especially because it was her fault. She also didn't want them to become addicted to her powers.


Bree could make plants bloom, die, and she could move them to make things for her or to hurt or restrain other people. {The last part she didn't like doing unless she was in danger or needed to tell them something and they didn't want to listen.} Bree was hurting daily because she felt the deaths of all plants around her and it hurt so much, not to be able to help them.

Bree ran ahead of the shifty person and stood before her, with her hands up and said "I am not going to hurt you, nor do I pose any immediate threat. I actually want to help you, so please don't run, because then I have to run and it will only draw attention to the both of us."

[Lali]

OOC General points with your post:

- You tend to repeat things a lot, like, “the person” – try using a wider variety of phrases, for instance, “She”, “the girl”, “the stranger” and so on. ^_^

- You also use a few run-on sentences, with more than one “and”. Simply putting a comma instead of the first “and” can make that sound better. Note: “She got of out the little niche between the trees and the shrub on the ground,[/color] placed her lean sword between her shoulder blades and pulled plant seeds out of her pocket.” The comma goes between the actions that are joined, not between the things (“the trees and the shrub”), so technically this is the second “and”, but it’s the first linking actions.

- Otherwise it’s mostly alright, though be careful to differentiate between what you as a player know, and what your character knows – you know that people are hunting her, but your character doesn’t (unless you can come up with a good excuse for it), so how can she think “Why would people want to hunt her?” or say “I actually want to help you”? All Bree can actually know about Lali, so far, is what she can see. You personally know more, but beware of forgetting that the characters are restricted.

It’s nothing too bad, though, and I’ll reply so we can carry on. ^_^



IC Laligin took a step back, startled by the girl’s sudden appearance. Readying her staff, she spared a quick glance to either side of the road in case there were more people about to leap out at her.

She didn’t relax, even at the other’s reassurances, but instead frowned and tensed further, saying, “Run? Why would I run from you? Who are you, anyway, and what do you want from me?”

Sizing up the gap between them, she was already working out an escape route, even before the girl answered. She might be able to get out of this situation without hurting anyone. If she kicked up some dust from the ground and hurled herself to one side, she might make it into the trees before the stranger caught up with her, and then she’d be able to shift without being seen and run – or even fly – away from the whole scene.

[Bree]

{O.O.C Quick question: When you do dialog, does it have to correct, as in grammar-wise? i.e- writing 'cuz instead of because}



"I actually don't know why would you run from me, especially because I haven't harmed you in any way." Bree looked at her throughly, then added " Hey, I promise not to bite without warning, okay? So put down the staff 'cuz the threat of being whacked upside the head with one of those things really pisses me off."

She shifted the seeds between her fingers as she said "By name is Bree by the way and honestly, the only thing I want from you is protection and to be able to give it back."

Bree sat down on the concrete down to let the girl make up her mind.

[abunaibijin]

((OOCness: I think the grammar in Dialog should be up to the character's personality, if that makes sense. Like, if you character would naturally say "'cause (or 'cuz) that's the way it is" (as most people when speaking would) instead of "because that's the way it is" then it should be fine. However, keep in mind to use proper spelling for all words unless you're trying to portray a dialect or accent; and be sure to keep proper grammar for anything that is not dialog. No one minds if I add my own psycho character?))

Laelin Micheal trudged slowly through the foliage, his long black hair falling in dirty, greasy strands in his face; hazel eyes staring almost blankly in at the ground in front of him, each surrounded by deep dark bruises that proclaimed many sleepless nights. His right hand clutched at his face as he walked, and his brow furrowed feverishly, looking both trouble and angry.

He wore a half filled buckskin duffel slung over his shoulder, but that was his only visible possession save for the drab, worn clothing that hung loosely off his thin frame; his feet were even bare, dirty and scarred from long walks.

He had indeed been walking for quite some time, running, trudging, skulking; it didn't matter what one called his flight from his home town, but he had traveled a great distance.

He was mad. Not in the sense of emotion, but insanity; the voices had made him so. He had heard the voices since he was six years old and they had troubled him at first; but he became accustomed to them, assuming in his childish heart that everyone heard them, until his father tried to kill him and had subsequently perished mysteriously of "illness". He kept it a secret after that, but people somehow knew that he knew their innermost thoughts; and when they jeered at him for hearing them, he did what first popped into his mind whether insinuated their by his own inner voice, or by others, he didn't know and didn't care. He killed them.

And when he did so he lived in fear that he would be found out like he could find others out, knowing that they suspected him; but they said nothing. One blessing of his curse was that though he heard the voices of possibly the entire planet, only the ones he was standing near where intelligible, the rest a faint whisper in the back of his mind, and he found he could for the most part ignore those, unless he was trying to sleep, or think for himself, because then they seemed to scream in his head.

Laelin paused as he neared the location of the girls; though they were still a good way off and still quite inaudible, he could hear them. Their voices were not as clear as the people of his village, but he gathered from the tone that they had something in common with him. They were all outcasts.

((OOCness: I should have read through my post more thoroughly. xP It sucks.))

[Lali]

OOC Yup, as Abunai said (welcome, by the way! ^_^), dialogue can be looser.
Just remember to be careful of your spelling in the rest of your post as well, and watch out for accidents like "down on the concrete down". ^_^ Use the "Pre-Post Check" Tutorial as a guide of what to look for before you put up the final version of your post, if it helps.


IC A slight smile crossed Laligin's lips, and she lowered the staff a little, not putting it down but bringing it into a more relaxed position, back as a walking stick rather than a weapon. The girl - Bree - had an impressive lack of fear, and she was oddly pleased by the idea that she herself seemed harmless. Or at least not particularly threatening.

"I'm Laligin," she responded, noting the sword on Bree's back but confident that the girl wouldn't be able to even draw it in time for it to do her any good if they came to fighting. But that wasn't the issue at the moment.

She met Bree's gaze again, frowning a little, and asked, "Why do you want protection?"

After all, she hadn't counted on getting involved with anyone else who might bring a whole new group of hunters down on her. It was possible they could help each other, true, but it was just as likely that they'd double their troubles. That idea gave her a good cause for concern.

[Bree]

"Well, there are" Bree raised her hands up to do the quotations in the air, without dropping the seeds "big-and-bad-boogey-men out there that don't like me very much and they want revenge to what I did to their village."

Not waiting for "What did you do?" Bree stared Laligin in the face and said "It is not something I am proud of, nor do I want to discuss out in the open."

Bree looked at the seed between her pointer finger and her middle finger. She moved it into her palm and started to make it bloom, unaware that Laligin might be watching.

[abunaibijin]

((Just so you know, Laelin's name is pronounced "Leelin." And I didn't realize how close to Laligin's name in spelling his name was when I made it. ^^''' So you can just call him Lae. =P))

Lae walked slowly forward, concerned greatly for his lack of understanding of these voices that were becoming ever louder in his ears. He could physically hear them now; and their physical voices said things differently from their mental voices, but he could understand neither of them as yet, and it angered and frustrated him. Soon he would be upon the clearing where they stood, and he did not desire to be in such a position without knowing exactly why they were there.

Too late he decided to stop as his bare feet seemed to slide forward of their own accord and he found himself stumbling into view of the girls with a loud curse. He glared at them, the expression seeming maniacal through his dirty, stringy hair, and he stumbled backward as though trying to protect himself, though unarmed.

Their voices, seemed to scream in his head now, some words clear, but most unintelligible and garbled, and he yanked at his hair in frustration, truly the picture of insanity. He spoke urgently, his voice hoarse and almost weak sounding but surprisingly deep for his small frame.

"Don't... don't hurt me please, I didn't... I don't want to do anything to you..."

[Lali]

OOC Sorry this took so long, guys. >_> I’ve barely been online apart from slamming in a word-count update on NaNoWriMo every now and again. And school decided I should do some work. Silly people.


IC Laligin was nodding warily to Bree, and had just caught a glimpse of the blossoming seed when the stranger came stumbling into view. She took a step back, raising her staff again and keeping half an eye on Bree to watch her reaction, but frowned as the man – who looked in a worse state than either of them could claim – asked them not to hurt him, proclaiming his innocent intentions.

As though anyone on this road was innocent. She was definitely in the company of one mage, at least, and who knew what problems this new stranger would bring?

“What do you want, then?” she asked, considering for a moment the possibility that these two were working together to trap her, then discarding the idea. But she glanced briefly away from the man, looking first at Bree and then back along the road. She wasn’t sure how far ahead of her pursuers she was, and she knew for certain that she’d left an easy trail for them to follow. She couldn’t afford to stop and chat here for too long.

[Bree]

Bree looked up, saw this man and looked back down again.
The flower ,that just bloomed, began to wane as Bree poured more power into it to preserve the beauty, and hopefully freeze, in crystallized manner.

Bree started to sweat so bad that it was dripping off her nose. The flower began to change colors, even though she wasn't done yet.

"Will you both calm down a bit? You are disturbing the flow of energy around you and honestly, it's pissing me off and probably scaring him even more.'

Bree shot the man a dirty look.

[Lali]

OOC Apologies for absence... Feel free to kill me in imaginative ways.


IC Laligin, eyebrows raised, muttered, "Sorry," and watched Bree use her magic on the flower. Well, that was interesting. A plant-mage was always useful to have along. And if she was on the run as well, then she was less likely to cause problems or give them away. It might be worth working together.

"We shouldn't stay here, out in the open," she said, still watching Bree manipulate the flower. "Maybe we can help each other - but we should start by either moving on further or finding a place to spend the night. Daylight's fading fast, in case you hadn't noticed."

She would have to keep an eye on these two during the night, just to make sure they really weren't up to anything. She couldn't afford to take any chances.

[Bree]

Bree stood up carefully so she wouldn't drop the flower. Mumbling a incantation that would stop the flow of energy from leaving or entering her rose, she started to walk. While walking, she took her sword out the sheath and balanced the rose on the tip of the blade. She turned around to see both of them staring at her.

"What now? Didn't you say that Daylight is dying or something like that?" Bree said as the sword literally absorbed the rose and its power.

Bree shuddered involuntary.

[Lali]

OOC Miaow! A few things to remember:

- "an incantation" - if the next word starts with a vowel sound (a, e, i, o, u) then the "a" before it needs to become "an".

- "out of the sheath" - reads slightly better (it's a little more grammatically correct. ).

- "involuntarily" - involuntary would be an adjective - describing a noun - a person, or a movement, for example. Involuntarily is an adverb, describing the way something is done. It's the second one you want here, because you're describing how she shuddered.


IC "I did," Laligin agreed, watching with interest as the flower was absorbed into Bree's sword. "Did you just..."

She stopped herself, and glanced back at the strange man, saying, "If you wanted our help, by all means come with us. Otherwise, it was a pleasure to meet you, fare thee well, and have a nice life. Bye."

That sorted, she caught up to Bree, and nodded at the road ahead.

"Come on," she said, "there'll be somewhere decent for a camp further on. We can talk more there. I've got a few questions for you already. And put that sword away, unless you think you'll need it."

She didn't wait for an answer, and didn't look back as she started walking again, already squinting at the trees along the roadside, keeping an eye out for a suitable campsite.

[Bree]

-Thanks for the tips!-

Bree put her sword away. She didn't like to walk around with out it in her bare hands, but if Laligan was calling the shots, she had no choice.

At least she doesn't know about the wrist knives thought Bree. Though she knew that eventrually she would have to tell Laligan. Not the man though. He had a funny "smell" -not quite the word for it, but nothin else fits- to him, like burning plants and oil..

Bree looked down to make sure they were in place and started to follow Laligan.

Bree closed her eyes, hoping that she didn't walk int o anything as she tried out a new trick she learned last week. Using her magic, she "searched"-if you can call it that- for reliable and dependable campsites.

Bree opened her eyes and said "Laligan".

[Lali]

OOC I'm really very curious about this. Lots of people do it, and I don't know why. It's Laligin, with an "i" at the end, not Laligan with an a. Seriously, loads of people make that mistake, and I can never understand it. ;D If you can explain I'd be most grateful!


IC Laligin glanced round as Bree spoke, and managed not to frown. She'd been thinking about the girl's magical skills, wondering if Bree would be able to tell her anything about the knife - after all, any information would be welcome at this point. But that would have to wait.

"What is it?" she asked, stopping to wait for Bree's answer. Behind the girl, she could see that the strange man hadn't yet moved from his position, so she assumed he wasn't going to come with them. That reduced her problems somewhat, as long as he didn't tell anyone that he'd seen her pass this way.

She gave herself a mental shake, telling herself off for starting to worry about so many possible futures again, when she still had to deal with the present, and said, "Well?" impatiently.

[Bree]

* I spell things the way they sound... Sorry that I spelled it wrong though!*


Bree opened up her eyes. " There is a campsite located, oh, 4 tree trunks away. It is quite hidden, so you don't have to worry about that, and we won't have to worry about the smoke from a fire.. because..."

Bree' s eyes fogged up a wee bit.
Her sword started to turn green and then started to vibrate on her back. It seemed that it woke it up from whatever trance she was in.

"Oh! Because a very dense fog is coming. It shall be here by twilight. It has already covered the south/ south west area, so we will have visblity by morning"

[Lali]

OOC *rises from the dead and goes on the rampage*


IC "Good," Laligin nodded. "Lead the way, then. A fog will certainly be useful to keep us hidden, but it will also make the area cold and damp tonight. You're prepared to deal with that, aren't you?"

She tilted her head a little and frowned at Bree, wondering how she'd deal with bad weather and an uncomfortable night. Tree cover could probably provide a certain amount of shelter and relief from the damp, but the fog and, later on, dew would creep in everywhere eventually.

Of course, she wouldn't have any trouble. As soon as the girl was asleep she'd be able to shift, and be quite comfortable in any weather, good, bad or positively stormy. However, she'd prefer to make sure that her new companion was going to be alright first.

[Bree]

"Yes'm. I am used to the cold weather, so no worries there. Plus the trees offer a wonderful bed, provided that I don't move around too much." Bree leaned her head back, as if to crack her neck. "What about you? I mean, I don't think sleeping in trees would..Fit your style?"

[Lali]

OOC Live, thread, live!


IC Laligin smiled in genuine amusement - a very rare occurrence - and told Bree, "You'd be surprised what's my style. But I suppose the trees like you, if you have nature magic."

She wondered for a moment how Bree, would take that, then, still curious about the girl's connection with her sword (and how that could relate to the knife she herself was carrying) she went a step further and actually asked about it, saying, "What exactly can you do with your powers? You seem to have a bit of a variety."

[Bree]

OC YES! I AM ALIVE.. Kinda.

Bree cocks her head to one side as if she didn't understand Laligin. She shakes her head slightly and then said "Well, my mother was a plant mage, so naturally I got that from her. We were always outside and at times, we actually lived in the trees, so I am used to it."

Bree looked down as she walked by Laligin. She didn't want her to notice the look on her face as she said the next bit.

"When my mum died, my father took me in. He wasn't happy that she only taught me about plant magic but since he walked out on us on my first birthday, it was the only thing I learned. Well, any who, my father took me in. He started to teach me about metals- that was his magic- and how to make/ take care of my weapons. I also had daily combat training with him, so don't worry, I don't rely on my magic."

Bree touched her sword.

"This is the only weapon I was able to make while I was there. It nearly killed me to do it, but then again I was also putting my plant magic in there so it was adaptable to me. It took me over two years to make this."

"So, to completely answer your question, I have full plant magic. I can do about anything with plants, trees.. basically anything in my surrounding. I have some metal magic, like I can sense when metal is close to me and some of the attributes it has. And I can make some armory, as long as I have the right tools."

Bree laughed before she said this last bit.

"And I can throw a mean right hook when I need too. So, I answered a question. It is only fair that you answer one of mine."