*Twitch* Oh, the pain!

[Shira]

I started a Highschool Roleplay on www.shira-oka.com/forum, and it's been going okay so far. That was, until the seventh page, where this was found:

[in the bookstore!]

Rynn: hmm....*looking through the shelfs* its got to be in here....*looks for a few minutes and finds a book and heads to the counter to pay for it*

Staff: hmm...thatill be 25. 75 please.....

Rynn: *takes out her wallet and is fliping through her unorganised bills*....can you break a 50?

Staff: sure...hmm never seen anyone with white hair at your age.

Rynn: *hands her the fifty*....yea...thanks for the book *looks away and takes the change and the book into her bag*.....



Rynn: i hope this works...*flips her hair down starts working some shampoo into her hair and then cleans that out and works some hair color into her hair and scalp rubs it in* warm....

[after about 15 min she gets her hair done and dry and starts cleaning up]

Rynn: can't let anyone see this *has already done the coloring for her eyebrows and is now wping the counter and sink and facents down including the floor and mirror and throws the paper away *...good....sigh...*looking in the mirror....*....*puts the books away and heads for her locker after she changes her shirt and puts the bag of clothes inher locker and leaves for her next class rather eairly since she skipped last class*

Rynn: *looks at her scedual* hmm...room 245.......*looks around.*......

and if that isn't bad enough, these are posts from later on, after some interaction:

[since there still some time Rynn decides to go check out the gym area]

[walks into the gym where (youguys) are doing rockclimbing and sits in the stands in the back and watches]

Rynn: *smiles* *takes out her sketch book and starts sketching the scene infront of her*

[SHE freaks out for a moment and drops her sketch book and her pencil and pad falls between the bleachers through the slit]

Rynn: ahh!!! im sorry i just got thought it was a nice scene. I wasn't going to put anyone in yet.

{panicks]

Rynn: Oh no my book!!!! *gets down on her hands and knees to look between the seats through the slit and spots her sketch book*....i have to get that back my art hw is in there!!!

((Good god, kill me now....thing is, it gets worse. Much worse.))

[ill assume this is a japanese school]

Rynn: I gotta get it back!! *jumps off the bleachers from a low seat and goes around the side and starts to head in under the bleachers weaving through the poles (different angles)(the bleachers are the ones that can be retracted intot he wall.)

[Edward notices that a matnince personel is walking towards a power box mounted on the wall and opens it and turns a key and he hears the bleacher jerk and make a noise and panics as he realises that the bleachers shes under is being closed into the wall while shes under it and shell be diced into slivers][sorry]

[Edward (nice guy i hope) gets down to her and tells her to hurry and runs to the matnes guy to get him to stop]

[he manages to get him to stop the bleachers and he runs in to pull her out]

Rynn: *sketch book in hand with her pencil too* *he pulled her out fast enough to save her but she riped her skirt of her uniform and landed on top of him* ahh!!...uh..*quickly gets up * im uh sorry..* notices her skirts ripped* eeep!!! *grabs her baggs and runs out of the gym*


AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please kill me. I mean, it was explained in pages one and two that it is an AMERICAN school (the site's making a Japanese High School Dating Sim sort of thing, so that's why the confusion is there), for one, not counting all the obvious mistakes, godmoding, illiteracy, and everything like that. And there is no uniform, to say. Please kill me....

And the sad thing is, I have to try to work with this, or look like a total idiot because Donna, my character, is only talking to Daniel....

[Lali]

Ouchie...

Seeing as it is your RP... can't you send her a tactful PM telling her where she's going wrong?

*winces*

*hugs* Welcome back to LoL, enjoy your stay, sit and read!! *doublehugs*

[Ru'Thor]

My eyes! They buuurn! *blindfold*

Poor Shira. *patpat* I don't want to kill you, because a) OTR would die and b) everyone luffs Shira, but like Lali said- give her a nice talking-to.

[Shira]

But the thing is, I never said in any of the posts that it was literate. I just posted an idea, then Unka Josh posted, and it went off like that.

But what would I say? I have no power of the site; I just post regularly....

[Lali]

Just point out that for one thing it's not a Japanese school, and for another, if she's not playing Edward, she can't write what he does.

Say something like, "Edward's player might not appreciate your assuming what his character would do... It's up to him to rescue you if he wants to, not up to you."

Add smileys and be all nice and apologetic for taking up her time... ;D

And secretly print out one of her posts and give it to the literacy-gryphons to get a scent off. Then set them loose in the dead of night!!

Ahem.

Eep. I'm beginning to get carried away with the smileys... Must stop.

[Shira]

This is what I sent her:

As I reading through your roleplay posts, I noticed somethings that I would like to point out to you so you don't make the mistakes again...

In the first two pages, it was decided upon that it was an American highschool that they are going to, and the fact that your character ditched class, set a guys crotch on fire, then dyed her hair in the bathroom sink..... it would never happen. Ditching class is understandable, but the other two... definatly not.

Totallybast0s, the person who is playing Edward, might not like the fact that you controlled his character as such, saving Rynn like that. It is his choice to have him save Rynn like that, not yours. That, controlling one's character to the extreme like that, is called godmoding, and is frowned upon by many roleplayers. I don't know if this is your first time roleplaying or not, but don't think Totallybast0s really wants his character to be the one that saves her just because you want him to.

Also, can you try and incorperate some more .... readibility into your posts? Using brackets [] and parenthesis () to show what your character is doing isn't real understandable at times. I mean, make your posts a little bit more into book format, with quotation marks, periods, etc. And a spell checker would definatly make your posts so much better, because many of the words are definatly hard to understand.



I'm sorry if it seems like I'm picking on you. I roleplay a lot, and most would abandon the thread if they saw a post like yours. If you need explanations on how to make the posts better, or just want to scream at me for seeming like a bitch, feel free to mail me back.

Not so many smileys, but more to the point.....I hope she dosen't kill Donna next or something.

[Shira]

Update:

After I sent her that PM, she went on the boards, apologizing like crazy for godmoding, saying she'd understand if her posts got deleted, etc, and how she won't roleplay until she's up to par.....

And took up on my offer of helping her learn to roleplay, so if she shows up on here soon, that might be why.

[Lali]

Well done Shira! ^_^ You're so much kinder than me...

I guess I should get to work on that tutorial thing as well as my RP posts... Miaow.

[Shira]

Definatly. My sister wants to join, but she's not quite up to par as we are. ^^ I'll help with the tutorials if help is needed, or you're too swamped with posts, as I'm stuck until I can get Riemman to post again...

[Lali]

Feel free to start writing a tutorial on anything you feel needs explained. I've started one on basic board stuff (links and everything on here, including the smileys. ^_^) and one on basic RP things like third person, past tense...

[Shira]

^^ This is from one of my petpages on Neopets that someone helped me create. Feel free to steal from it for the Tutorial's page, if you feel like. It could do with some more detailed work on my opinion, but that's what these boards are for.

petpages.neopets.com/~ixwetxthexbed

[Lali]

Umph. I read that one. It's wrong in places. Never, never, never use a full stop (period) at the end of someone's speech. I don't care if they're ordering something or not, it just isn't done.

And, technically, "What the!" should be a question, since it does have "What" at the start...

Mweeh, you've unleashed Lali the Grammar Nazi.

*goes to hide in a corner*

[Shira]

*hides in another corner* Told you it needed work. I barely found the site and just randomly skimmed over it before posting here. Cunno.

[Lali]

S'alright, I shall attack it and try and make it more accurate. ^_^ The general points it makes (as in, what people often do wrong...) are pretty accurate. Miaow.

[Shira]

*twitch*

Rynn's gotten slightly better, but there's another illerate that I feel like ranting about.

His name is jackosender. During the beginning, he was doing okay (not semi-lit, but sort of there, and stuff to play with, you know?) But now.... grr. Really bad.

Background note: They went to a bookstore that Donna owns/works at after school.

*when Jack is looking at the books he see two books that coat his eye*"what is this History of Magick Vol 1 Wichs, History of Magick Vol 2 Sommers ah will these will do me sis will love the Wich one and i will like the Sommer one may be or great great granmom is in this book will i think i buy this two and go home"*Jack gos to buy the two books that he has in his hand"

Why oh why am I so loyal to this roleplay? Literates outnumber the illerates 3-2, but as the person who plays Kyle been's missing again.... we're tied. And jackosender has two characters, so they're outnumbering us!!

-passes out-

I'm not even going to send him a pm. I only have one character talking to him, so..... *shrug* It really ain't worth it.

[Lali]

That. Is. Painful.

*cringes*

I'm getting into the habit of reading through my friends' English coursework and such, and marking it for them. They're nowhere near as bad as that, and it's good practice, but (believe it or not!) I hate having to correct people. I can't help myself, but I don't enjoy it!

And it's worth it for the improvements. I wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying something if anyone posted like that anywhere near me...