Emma
Peasant
Posts: 4
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Post by Emma on May 18, 2006 5:59:55 GMT -5
OOC Information Name: Daughter (as in "Daughter of the Night") Age: 17 Contact: discochick1001@yahoo.co.uk Role Playing Experience: none :-(
IC Information Role Play Sample: Stargate SG1...
"As Airak rolled to one side to avoid the spray of bullets hitting the ground to her right, there was an agonised scream from Sam who had not rolled quickly enough in the opposite direction to avoid the rain of hot metal being directed towards them by the unknown SG team.
Airak screamed to herself, asking who they were, but saved her breath for running towards the injured Sam. Jack was firing his Zat gun, and in a series of accurately aimed blasts, he stunned the two remaining SG members to take back to the SGC for questioning. Airak and Jack picked up Sam whilst Teal'c dragged the stunned men by their ankles towards the gate.
Through a beautiful watery ring of fire, they went home."
The Genres: heehee any at all! I have quite a fantasy orientated mind though
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Nightmare
Peasant
The first time i cry, will be when everyone is dead, and i killed you all. Tears of Blood.
Posts: 3
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Post by Nightmare on May 18, 2006 6:20:26 GMT -5
"Come on accept this fresh meat. Let us FEAST!!!! on her dead carcass!!!! let us drink a toast with her thick crimson blood!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha....." "BURN MAIM KILL, BURN MAIM KILL!!!!"
AND ITS NIGHTMARE NOT NIGHTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A SWIFT AND UNPLEASANT DEATH TO ANYONE WHO OPPOSES THAT!!!!! BLOOD WILL RUN!!!!!
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Post by Lali on May 18, 2006 6:31:17 GMT -5
Thanks for that, Nightmare. Anyway! I like the sample. It's good, and well written, but a little short. Rather an abrupt ending, though I do like the "watery ring of fire". ^_^ If you'd like to expand on it a bit, just really to show that you can go into more detail in a short snippet like this, that'd be great. For example, there's lots of action, but no description of the planet and surroundings, so adding that in could help. Physical description of the characters too, seeing as some people (fools that they are!!) haven't seen SG-1 and wouldn't know them - besides which, Airak's new to us all. ^_^ All otherwise fine apart from my pet hate - repetition. A couple of screams and rolls, maybe try dives and yells etc. instead. You know. ^_^ And I know you know. And you know SG-1 always gets bonus marks. ^_^ Miaow.
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Emma
Peasant
Posts: 4
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Post by Emma on May 18, 2006 6:47:55 GMT -5
Ok Lali. I'll do some modifications and get back to you. Ru'Thor? Any comments to add to Lali?
Thanks for the feedback!! x
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Post by Ru'Thor on May 18, 2006 14:18:30 GMT -5
*dashes in from school* One of these days, Lali, I am going to attack an application before you! XP
Maha. Yes. I agree with Lali on the need for description (what is SG-1? I've never heard of it), length, and less repetition. The use of the names and such would be all right in a mid-RP post, but for people who don't know about the genre you're RPing (like me!) Jack, Sam, Teal'c, and Zat guns are a mystery. The biggest thing I'm seeing here is lack of description, but like I said, Lali's already covered that.
Just knock around with it a bit and edit it, and it should be fine.
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Post by Lali on May 19, 2006 10:23:48 GMT -5
Ru! Not a Stargate fan?! I am APPALLED!!! Ahem. *is calm* The order of coolnessosity in Sci-fi stuff is officially: Star Wars Stargate Star Trek So there. Initially Stargate was a very very cool film starring Kurt Russell and James Spader (did I mention it's cool?) and then it became a TV show - Stargate SG-1, which has up to this point been running for nine seasons, with season ten in production, as far as I'm aware. I recommend it to anyone and everyone regardless of all things. Miaow.
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Riemman
Junior mage
Official WTF
Shira: "You are the icing to my cake."
Posts: 176
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Post by Riemman on May 19, 2006 14:12:50 GMT -5
ZAT GUNS!!!!! XD Personally I love Daniel. *huggles the archeologist* But Jack's cool too.
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Emma
Peasant
Posts: 4
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Post by Emma on May 21, 2006 13:41:40 GMT -5
WOW! A STARGATE FAN!! Lali says "We've found another one" *insane cackle* heehee Well the modifications are coming... i'm a teensy bit ill at the moment and Exams are tomorrow, Lali and i both have maths, along with NightMARE ( got it right!)... Oh and Stargate Atlantis came after Stargate SG1... Em x ps Lali says that she takes all the credit for my recruitment and all of the blame for Nightmare's ^_^
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Post by Lali on May 21, 2006 14:03:27 GMT -5
*does a cartwheel*
I haven't done nearly enough revision for Maths. I think I might eat my revision checklist and try to assimilate the information that way.
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Post by Ru'Thor on May 23, 2006 15:10:28 GMT -5
*shoots a spitball at Lali and Em* Thanks ever so much for remiding me that finals are ramping up. *shudders* I feel bad for my teachers. We have some finals on the last full day of school, and they have to correct them in the course of one day.
English, Algebra, PE, History, Freshman Seminar, and band will be easy enough. I'm worried about Science, Spanish, and Computer Ap. It's so stupid, the CA midterms and finals. We don't write ANYTHING on paper ALL YEAR and then she gives us a written exam. If it were a practical exam I could get an A, no sweat. I got an 84 on the midterm and my parents about killed me. *starts studying... well, not really because there isn't anything to study at the moment*
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Post by Lali on May 24, 2006 7:05:54 GMT -5
Much sympathy. I'm on school computers at the moment trying to calm down before my Classics exam(s).
Argh.
Ah well, this is the one which the teacher actually helps us to revise in, so it shouldn't be too bad.
And that's that and I must go! Tata!
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Post by ToolazyShira on May 24, 2006 7:25:42 GMT -5
The last week of school is all finals for me, but I get to go home after a half of day, two finals a day for four days. Grr.
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Post by Lali on May 24, 2006 11:29:02 GMT -5
*shifty eyes*
I'm going to start an exams thread in General Chat stuff so we don't overrun poor Em's application. ^_^ *blush* Sorry!
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Emma
Peasant
Posts: 4
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Post by Emma on Jun 12, 2006 4:51:16 GMT -5
heylo everybody. I'm really sorry that i've not updated and made my application literate yet... exams etc... and family stuff not nice anyway... i hope everyone is ok and i'll be on soon Em x
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Post by Ru'Thor on Jun 12, 2006 6:57:46 GMT -5
S'alright! You have what we call a life- something that I don't have! ^_^
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