Okay, I couldn't resist... (Puns...)

[Lali]

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

• Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

• The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

• When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

• The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

• A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

• Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

• We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

• The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

• The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

• If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

• What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

• A backward poet writes inverse.

• In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

• He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

• A calendar's days are numbered.

• A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

• A boiled egg is hard to beat.

• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

• A plateau is a high form of flattery.

• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

• Acupuncture: a jab well done.

[Ru'Thor]

Jakkin: What's with all the stuff about thieves? Huh? ARE YOU SUGGESTING SOMETHING?

Ru: xDD Those are pretty punny, Lali.

GET IT? PUNNY? BECAUSE THEY'RE FUNNY? HAHAHA... ha... >>

[Bree]

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, "Did you get my drift?"

Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.



Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way

Question: How did Christopher Columbus finance his trip to America? Answer: With the Discover Card.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Show me where Stalin's buried and I'll show you a communist plot.

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

[Shira]

...

Yeah, funny funny.

[Lali]

Oh, heavens, Bree, some of those are dreadful. ;D And quite brilliant too!