Hoping For Redemption

[Shira]

He shifted, moving the baby blanket over the young child on his t-shirted chest. He shivered, the wet jeans that covered his legs reminding him that he was still drenched and hungry, but the afternoon had been worth it. The two of them - he, and the baby on his stomach - were lying on a larger blanket in the grass of the park, under the shade of some trees.

Charlie had spent the last several hours with his two year old daughter at the water park, chasing her around like he was the Bogey-man as she squealed in laughter, getting both himself and her soaking wet. When she would get tired of the water, they would go on the playground, going down the slides faster than normal since they were both still soaking wet. And then they would go back to the water park and chase her and the other kids around. Being the inexperienced father that he was, he had forgotten to picnic foods for himself, only a few bottles and diapers for Kayla in the stroller near his feet. It didn't help that a cool wind had picked up, making him freeze, but he didn't want to wake her up yet. Neither of them had gotten a lot of sleep lately, nor had they really had a chance to have fun like this since he had gotten her just a few weeks ago.

Kayla moved on top of him, sticking her thumb in her mouth, something he was slowly trying to wean her off of. Charlie ran a hand over her black curls, having the matching hair color, but only straighter. He knew they were going to have to leave soon, but it was nice, holding her like this, feeling her small heartbeat against his, the way her breathing seemed to try and match his......it almost made him not hate her mother as he did. Almost.

Technically, he shouldn't hate her, as he was the one that screwed ever thing up. But she had been the one who had ran off after getting pregnant. However, he'd been the one that had keep his true self from her, thus creating the whole mess. Now he had a daughter he didn't even know to care for as his ex was somewhere on her way to California with a drug dealer.

Sighing, Charlie looked up at the fuzzy tree tops over his head, as his glasses were next to his head before sliding his eyes closed.

((Open to everyone. Thinking more me and Lali, though, as Riemman's on slight hiatus (I'm trying to fix that) and he's gay, which Ru's not used to. ^^))

[Lali]

OOC Curse you for tempting me! You should know by now I can't resist a good RP! *coughSheratoncoughanyofRu'scough* Argh. ;D


IC Liam stared at the tarmac beneath his feet, thinking about Stephen. He'd been doing that a lot recently - thinking about Stephen, that was, not staring at the tarmac. He couldn't seem to get him out of his head. And heaven knew he did not want to carry on like that for the rest of his life, going over old ground constantly, never moving on or recovering. Stephen belonged in the past - years in the past.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes, then raised his cigarette to his lips for a moment. It was pretty much down to the filter, so he dropped it and crushed it under the toe of his trainer. He wished it was so easy to stub out memories.

At this rate he was going to be glad to be at work again tomorrow. Lord love McDonald's - at least they scoured all thoughts from your brain while you worked there. And with luck, working the death shift - from rush hour to closing time - for the next week or so would exhaust him enough that he'd be able to get to sleep quicker than he was at the moment. He'd had enough of the vague, formless daydreams and constant wonderings of "What if...?" that seemed to plague him whenever he was trying to fall asleep.

Sighing again, he buried his face in his hands briefly, fingers making furrows in his short, mousy brown hair. He didn't cry, though he was tempted. Likewise, he didn't light up another cigarette. Cutting down was, so far, only marginally more successful than his attempts to quit, no matter how many times he told himself that all he was doing was slowly poisoning himself. He couldn't quite give up the short relief the nicotine provided him with, however much it was costing him in money as well as health.

He knew what the problem was, really. He'd been getting more and more isolated from the rest of the world as time went by, and - thanks to Stephen - every time he'd tried to sort his life out again, things had backfired and the whole problem had just got worse. He'd lost touch with the few close friends he'd had in school, and he'd made very little effort to find them again. They had their own lives to lead, and somehow his memories of them were too closely linked to his memories of Stephen. He'd decided, about a year ago, to sever all links with his past and start afresh.

The severing hadn't been a problem. The starting, on the other hand...

Raising his head, he looked around at the park, wondering about all these people he saw. Most of them probably had worse problems than him. Compared to them, he really had no right to feel miserable. He should just get up, move on, go and do something productive instead of sitting around thinking about Ste-

He stopped right there, and got to his feet, picking his jacket up from the park bench he'd been sitting on and dusting it off. Slinging it over one shoulder, he started walking away. He'd taken two steps when he hesitated, and then went back, picked up the cigarette butt, and threw it in the nearest bin.


OOC *eyes post thoughtfully* I've improved it a little from the initial post. It ain't too awful now. I'll let it stand. Miaow.

[Riemman]

((I'm back from hiatus and have decided to post. Slash is fun. *Note to Shira: Sheraton might take me a couple more days.... ::shifty eyes::*))

There were days that it majorly sucked to be a poor college Art major living alone in the city, both studying and working full time, and be gay on top of everything. Simply because the whole being gay part made family connections and support a thing of the past. At least in his case.

He supposed it didn't help that he was the only son of a highly traditional Chinese family. His two younger sisters had no way of carrying on the "family name" and so therefore the duty fell on him, but because of his orientation..... His family had told him to either accept the arranged marriage they had made for him or to be disowned. It was obvious which he had chosen.

Days like this he sometimes regretted it, but then he reminded himself firmly that it was better this way. He was free to see who he wanted, when he wanted, and free to pursue the career he wished, something else his parents had disapproved of. It made him feel a little better on days he felt tired and just a bit washed out.

As it was, he was eagerly anticipating his graduation coming up in a few months. He already had a job lined up, and graduation meant he could finally relax for a little while and not have to worry about finishing projects while still finding time to work enough hours to pay the rent. His schedule didn't really let him get out much, and he'd never been able to find a roommate.

For now though, he was trying to get away from his worries. Rent was due in a couple days, but payday was tomorrow, and he was currently working on one of the pieces to go into his final portfolio. He'd come to the park since it was a nice day out, hoping to find a good subject and he'd been in luck.

The man and his young daughter made excellent subjects. He'd decided to do this drawing in pastels, hoping to be able to capture the calm and caring air between them and so far it was turning out nicely.

Yeah, there were days that it majorly sucked to be a poor, gay, college Art major living alone in the city, but today, at least, wasn't one of them.

((Sorry, but I had to do the whole poor college student thing. XD))

[Shira]

((^^ Yay! No more hiatus!!))

He had just about dozed off when a persistent ringing could be heard, one that was all too familiar to him. Charlie groaned, waiting a few moments, hoping it would stop ringing and leave him alone. Ah, but luck wasn't on his side today. The ringing stopped only for a moment before resuming again.

He was defiantly going to kill his cousin as soon as he could. He placed a hand at the base of Kayla's neck, and sat up. She only slightly stirred as he laid her down on the ground, blanket wrapped around her small frame.

Charlie only stood up long enough to grab the phone out of the top cup carrier before sitting down next to Kayla again.

"What?" A pause before, "No, I can't. I'm barely making rent this month. And yes, day after tomorrow. Alright. Goodbye, Shannon." He very rudely, and efficiently, snapped the phone shut.

Sighing, Charlie reached behind himself, and grabbed his black-framed glasses before putting them on. The sleepy mood that he had been in now officially over, he looked around.

Seeing Liam pick up the cigarette off of the ground and throw it out, he called out, mindful of the child next to him, "Got a cigarette you can spare?"

[Lali]

Liam glanced around at the shout. He always did, even when there was no chance the call could be aimed at him. Somehow he didn't quite feel comfortable unless he knew for sure that nobody was trying to get his attention. When he looked around this time, however, he found that one of the few people nearby (there were a couple of others wandering through, and an artist doing some drawing not far off) was looking right at him.

He hesitated for a moment, then nodded. Heading over to the man, he had fished his cigarette packet out of his pocket, happy to get rid of some of them and try to remove temptation, when he noticed the man's daughter asleep beside him. Then he hesitated again, and said, almost apologetically, "You shouldn't smoke around kids."

Glancing down at the cigarette packet in his hand, he sighed, and muttered, "Shouldn't really smoke at all. Here, if you want them."

He held out the pack, knowing that if he got rid of the five or six cigarettes still in there then he'd be able to go without for perhaps a day before he bought some more. If he avoided the shops well enough, that was. If he kept them with him, he'd feel the need to have them.


OOC Sorry that took so long and ain't so great. You must know by now that I'm not the most regular of posters... Miaow.

[Shira]

((This sucks more. Lots more. Been complaining about it to everyone I know that this sucks.))

Charlie took the pack, and stood up. He wasn't going to smoke next to Kayla -- he knew better. He quickly dug the lighter kept for emergencies out of the diaper bag.

If it hadn't been for Shannon bugging him for money once again -- she already owed him over three grand already -- he wouldn't be smoking.

He walked about five feet away, and downwind from his daughter (that word still scared him) before he lit up. The rush of nicotine was nice and soothing.

"Thanks," Charlie said.

((Eh. Never smoked. Tried. Don't like it. Sorreh....))

[Lali]

OOC Never even tried, dear heart. Even more clueless over here. I'm going by films and people I've seen smoking out and about.


IC "No problem," Liam responded with a shrug. "God knows I've had more than enough today."

He'd tried unsuccessfully to stick to two - or three, at a push - every day, but today had been unusually stressful. Even though he wasn't at work, there had been a myriad of little things annoying him, adding up gradually into one overwhelming feeling of fury. Everything reminded him of what he'd done wrong in life, everything seemed intended to trip him up, make life difficult, or just irritate the hell out of him in general. From burning his tongue on his coffee first thing this morning through to bashing his knee on the gatepost at the park entrance an hour or so ago, today was not being his day.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, with his jacket tucked between his arm and his side, he glanced between the man and his daughter, and felt very alone.

"Cute kid," he said, making some weak attempt at starting a conversation. "What's her name?"

[Shira]

((OOC: It feels like a huge ball of smokey fire was trying to force itself down my throat. I think I felt the "high" of smoking, but I'm not that sure. I was real lightheaded from coughing so much. And trying to keep yourself limited to two or three smokes a day is really laid back -- my mom smokes a pack or so a day.))

IC: Charlie smiled, thankful for the conversation starter, even if it was weak. Ever since the whole mess with Debbie two years ago, he had engrossed himself in his work, and baseball. Liam might not know it, but he was the first new person he'd talked to in years.

"Her name's Kayla. She'd be turning two next month," he said, flicking the ashes into the grass. "I'm Charlie."

[Riemman]

Xian Li gaped as one of his current subjects decided to move to answer the phone. He then proceeded to growl as he moved even further away, for a damn smoke too!

He heaved a sigh as he set down his tools and rubbed at his eyes. There went that piece. He could always try to finish it from memory, but the amount of detail he'd been including didn't really allow for that. Making stuff up was always an option, but he found that it helped a lot to have the model in front; quality stayed consistent then, instead of fading into the unintelligible.

Sighing again, he took out another sheet of paper, and took up a charcoal stick this time, choosing to do a rough sketch of the two men. They'd moved closer to him and were only ten or so feet away. He worked quickly this time, scared his subject might move again, but paid attention to important detail, such as the nuances of expression and posture and the way the one man held his cigarette. The drawing was remarkably quick and rough-looking, but he liked it, and set it aside in his portfolio along with the other one to finish later. He'd gotten down all the important details anyway.

Standing, he stretched out luxuriously. He'd been sitting in a cramped position for a while. His form-fitting short sleeve shirt lifted briefly over the low-slung jeans, exposing a strip of pale skin and a bellybutton piercing. Lowering his arms, he ruffled his slightly spiked hair and rubbed the back of his neck as he contemplated what to do now. He couldn't finish his piece, but he had two pieces to finish that were potentials for his final portfolio to add to the eight currently already residing there. He still needed at least five more though.

Eyeing the two men with a somewhat critical eye developed from years of studying people and aesthetic forms, he mustered up his courage and strode forward.

Reaching the men, he cleared his throat nervously before beginning to speak. "I'm sorry, this is going to sound a little weird, but would either of you, or both of you, agree to become models for me? Not anything like clothes modeling, but just artistic models. I need subject matter for some pieces of my final portfolio and it wouldn't take up much of your time. Just a couple hours for two or three days. I can't really pay you or anything at the moment though. I have a job lined up for me as soon as I graduate, so I can offer you repayment in a couple months."

Finishing, he bit his lip slightly, awaiting a response.

[Lali]

OOC Yeek. Doesn't sound too pleasant. Since I was asthmatic as a child, I'll be avoiding it. ^_^ And I know a few people who smoke a lot, but equally I know some who can make a pack of ten last them a few weeks. *shrugs* Since he's trying to quit I thought I should restrict him to a lower number.


IC Liam was nodding as Charlie spoke, and was about to introduce himself in return when the Chinese boy approached them. He was exceedingly glad he wasn't smoking when the stranger said the word "models". He'd have choked for sure, and that would have been him out of the way, incoherent and coughing for the next ten minutes or more.

Instead he stared for a moment, wondering why anyone would want him to model for anything. Models were meant to be glamorous and beautiful, weren't they? Not depressed smokers who worked in McDonald's and knew too well that they were plain and average in every respect. There was nothing sparkly or stunning about him.

So he was going to refuse out of hand, but the boy (ha! He couldn't be much more than a couple of years younger than Liam himself, if he was graduating soon) sounded fairly nervous about asking, and, rather than crushing him so quickly, Liam found himself asking, "What would we have to do?" He only vaguely noticed that he'd included Charlie in that "we". It was probably the first time he'd used the word in the past two years, not counting references to his branch of McDonald's.

The idea had some appeal, though. He hadn't had any luck finding another job, and he had too much spare time on his off shifts as it was. Besides the magic word "repayment" had been mentioned, even if it was only a far-off possibility at the moment.

And who knew? Perhaps this would lead on to some of that starting afresh that he'd been trying to get to grips with.


OOC Mweh. *is not especially happy with post*

[Riemman]

((Whee! Is okay Lali! I can work with it. XD))

Xian Li breathed a silent sigh of relief at the question. Even though it wasn't an outright acceptance, it meant it was being considered which was always a good thing.

"It's really just pose modeling, but it's not going to be that you need to stay in one position for hours on end. A session would probably consist of several different poses held for no more than fifteen minutes maximum, usually just eight to ten. You don't have to model nude if you're uncomfortable with it, or if it's just private bits you don't really want to show I have large blankets which are acceptable to use." His tone went from slightly nervous to the calm and technical manner that he used with the first-time models in his art classes. All students eventually modelled on some day or another, and some were more anxious about it than most.

((Sorry it's so short but i gotta get going to class.))

[Shira]

Charlie had modeled before, for Alice, in exhange of her buying dinner on the days he was totally broke. But she was his cousin, someone who knew his past, and how not to ask him about Debbie and the scars left on him, emotional or otherwise.

He also had Kayla to worry about. "Where would the modeling be going on? And, would it be three or four days in continuance, or could it be spread out?"

There would be no way he'd be able to take several days off for something as trivial as modeling. Maybe the days before he worked he'd be able to help this artist, as the day after he usually slept for half the day. Charlie wasn't able to forgo twenty hours or so without sleep and still be able to function.

[Riemman]

"Um... no not continuous. It can be spread out over a week or two. I have three weeks to finish my portfolio. As for where it would take place, it'd be my flat. I have all my materials there and I think it'd be a little more comfortable than one of the university art rooms. If you'd rather have the session there I can accomodate. I don't want you thinking I'm some kind of weird stalker," he ended with a little laugh.

[Lali]

Liam was fighting hard not to blush. He'd been doing so since the first mention of the offer. Another hangover from his time with Stephen. He'd not been too comfortable being anything less than fully dressed around other men, not since... But he'd promised himself he'd stop thinking about that. It was a long time ago. It didn't matter any more - or it wouldn't, as soon as he could get over it.

So he tried not to blush, not wanting to seem too nervous or prudish, especially when Charlie was so calm about the whole matter. He was actually beginning to like the sound of the idea, relaxing a little when he heard that he wouldn't have to model nude, but he wasn't quite sure whether to agree or not.

He smiled slightly at the Chinese boy's joke, but felt he had to ask, "Does it matter if I've never modeled before? I mean, I've got no experience of this sort of thing, really..."

He trailed off, feeling the faint hint of a blush colour his cheeks. Damn. So much for not showing how easily embarrassed he was.

[Riemman]

Xian Li blinked for a moment and then laughed. "No problem. Don't worry about it really. I never modeled before becoming an art major either. But all art students eventually model and everyone's always nervous at first. It's easy to get into, once you feel a bit more comfortable. We often crack jokes while the session's going on and they're usually a lot of fun."

[Shira]

"It isn't that bad, really. As long as you stay in the basic pose, they don't care what you do. Jokes, games, refreshments....... it's real fun, after you get out of the inital discomfort of being drawn," Charlie said.

He had modeled before for Alice, in her classes, and then translated for her on other days.

"And I say it first, for myself. I refuse all nudity." There were too many scars from Debbie, and not only emotional ones.

[Riemman]

Xian Li blinked, but nodded. He wasn't going to argue. "It's alright. What about you?" he asked, turning to face Liam.

He suddenly blushed and bowed deeply. "I'm so sorry! I'm already making all sorts of arrangements and I haven't even properly introduced myself! My name is Xian Li Yong. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," he introduced himself with a bright smile at both men.

[Lali]

"Oh, okay," Liam murmured as the Chinese boy and Charlie explained a little. It didn't sound too bad, then. And he was beginning to enjoy talking to people again, so perhaps he'd agree, even if just for the company. These two made the prospect seem much less daunting - if it really was as relaxed as they claimed, it might even be fun.

With such positive thoughts in mind for once, he returned Xian Li's smile, and said, "Liam Hollander. Pleased to meet you," including Charlie with a glance. Still blushing a little, he added, "And no, I wouldn't want to do any modeling nude, either."

[Riemman]

Xian Li pouted internally but didn't let the bright smile fall from his face. "That's fine. What times are available for either of you? I can be pretty flexible depending on the day."

[Shira]

"Nice to meet the both of you. The name's Charlie Paddock, and that's Kayla," He said, pointing to the sleeping child on the blanket. "And unfortunatly, every third day, and the morning afterwards, are usually out for me. I'm a firefighter," he added sheepishly.

He really shouldn't be smoking. At all. Charlie flicked the ashes off the cigarette, and then licked his fingers before squeezing out the flame. He put the half-cigarette back in the container, and put the packet in his back pocket. If anything, Alice's boyfriend would steal them from him later today, before his shift.